Thirty Weeks

I really have no complaints from this pregnancy so far. I'm just grateful everything seems to be working the way it should. I passed the glucose test and got my Rogam shot {this time without mooning a roomful of nursing students.} I haven't had much heart burn or weird cravings or even been too uncomfortable. The other day, Claire's music teacher asked if the summer weather was bothering me. My response? "Well, I'm from Texas, so this isn't really hot..."

Although I can't wait to meet Maggie, either way of making that happen seems pretty terrifying right now. I think since I've successfully had a baby without feeling a single contraction, I've built up the pain involved in a normal birth. Funnily enough, all throughout Claire's pregnancy I was focused on attempting a natural delivery. This time around, I honestly couldn't care less. My one and only priority is a healthy baby.

I'm not really scared of having another c-section or even another NICU stay. What really terrifies me is the small voice I sometimes hear asking me, "What if, this time, you don't notice something's wrong?" I know I can handle whatever happens, but I don't think I can handle it being my fault.

Basically, I feel like I have the normal second-time mom worries of "will Claire be okay without me?" combined with usual first-time mom worries of "what is labor like?" all thrown together with the worries that come from knowing exactly how badly things can go wrong for no reason at all.

Because you can't be induced to attempt to a VBAC, we have a c-section scheduled a week after my due date, just in case. It's kind of nice to know that Maggie's birthday will be, at the very latest, on November 1st. Until then, all we can do is wait. 

But since I'm not very good at waiting, I will be furiously checking things off my to-do list and trying to embrace this time with Claire as my only exterior baby. I have a feeling she is going to seem very grown-up as soon as she becomes a big sister!