Overwhelmed

Now that I've caught up on all the really great things that happened since George's arrival, I want to talk about how overwhelming I've found daily life with four little kids. I was incredibly fortunate to have so much help - Adam was off on paternity leave for all of November and December, then my sister was home with me most of January and February before she started her new job.

Before George was born, our weekdays went very smoothly. Adam and I woke up before the kids to pray and get ready for the day. We all left the house at 8:00 am - Adam riding his bike to work and me taking all the kids to drop Claire off at school. A few days a week we stayed for daily Mass and then headed to the gym or to run errands. Maggie and Betsy did music class and art class - on those mornings Mass didn't fit in easily but I had time to get all of the house cleaning done while they played happily. We picked Claire up from half-day kindergarten after lunch and then Betsy would take a nap while I helped with homework. I got to have one-on-one time with Betsy one afternoon a week while Claire and Maggie went to Catechesis. The two little girls entertained themselves with other younger siblings at the playground during soccer practice, while I got to chat with a friend. 

All of this was very difficult or impossible to maintain with a little baby. I was too tired from feeding George in the middle of the night to drive Claire to school most of the time. Since we only have one car, that meant Adam would drive her and then come home to get his bike and ride to work. Of course, that also meant no more daily Mass. Being the only parent juggling three kids at music class and art class was really stressful. Especially art class, when all the other families just had one child and I actually had to assist the girls with projects while keeping a baby happy. I definitely wasn't leaving George in the gym childcare after he was hospitalized for RSV. Wearing a baby and pushing two kids in a shopping cart isn't a super relaxing way to grocery shop, but I couldn't try pick-up or delivery because we were obligated to buy Scrip gift cards for our groceries to support the school and you can't use gift cards to order groceries online. Since soccer was over, we wanted to put the two oldest girls in swim lessons, but I couldn't handle taking all four to the pool by myself, so we scheduled those for Saturday mornings. The best swim lessons we could afford were at a YMCA almost thirty minutes away. I also could never manage to get any house cleaning done during the week, so I would often spend most of the weekend tackling chores. The only way we managed to complete our required volunteer hours for the school was due to scheduling shifts while Adam and Allison were home in the winter months. 

Early into this stressful spring semester, it was time to figure out the plan for next school year. Claire would be going to the parish school full-time for first grade - staying until 3:15 instead of 1:30. The only preschool we could afford for Maggie was the same coop preschool we did with Claire. To complete our weekly volunteer commitment, we figured Adam wouldn't get to work until noon that day and stay until 8:00 pm. Of course, there would be evening and weekend volunteer commitments for the preschool as well, and we'd also have to meet our volunteer hours at the parish school. We wouldn't want Claire staying for two hours of Catechesis on top of a full school day, so we planned to move that to Sunday afternoons. We wouldn't be able to afford much in the way of extracurriculars anyway, but we knew we'd want to limit them to Fridays after school or Saturday mornings, that way Claire would have time to play after a long school day. Oh, and once a week school would get out an hour earlier, which would mean cutting naps very short for pick up unless I could beg a friend to drive Claire home. 

A typical day would mean waking George up at 6:00 so I could put him down for a nap at 8:00, have Adam do some work from home, take Betsy along to drop Claire at 8:30 and Maggie at 9:00, rush home so Adam could get to work, wake George up by 10:00, pick Maggie up at 11:30, head home for lunch, get the two youngest down for naps by 1:00, prep dinner and do chores with Maggie's "help", wake Betsy and George right before 3:00 and throw them into the car to get to the school at 3:15, always be one of the last cars in line so Claire is one of the last kids picked up, finally get home at 4:00, help with homework and finish dinner with a baby wreaking havoc all along the way. 

It would be tough but workable if we knew George was going to be our last baby. But, as Catholics, Adam and I don't believe in birth control and do not trust ourselves to use natural family planning correctly for over a decade (we are still in our twenties) unless we had a very serious reason to do so. We are fully on board with spacing our children out a bit more than we have so far, but we are, God-willing, not done having babies. So....if we can't change the having babies every few years, we'd need to change other aspects of how we've set up our life in order to, well, survive it. 

Obviously, the coop preschool just wasn't going to work. After a lot of prayer, we came to the conclusion that the driving, volunteering, and expense of parish school wasn't right for us either. The bus stop for the public school is right across the street from our house - that makes so much more sense, right? No more carline with babies and toddlers, no volunteer requirements, minimal expense. Although I'd still have to drive to preschool if we wanted to go down that road, at least we'd be able to afford one that didn't require such a huge time commitment. 

We do have some worries about sending our kids to public school in this area (Seattle in 2018 is very different from Houston in 1998) but our biggest reservation was just that the school day is sooooooooo long for little kids. We want our children to have time to play! With their siblings and their toys at home, not just at recess. We want to have them in a few extracurriculars, but that seems like too much to tack onto an already too long school day, so scheduling them on the weekend felt like our only option, which isn't ideal. I also felt like with Claire in school all day, I'd only get to see her at the most stressful times of the day to juggle many small children - the morning rush out the door and the homework/dinner/bedtime grind in the evening. I don't want almost all of her interactions with me to be when I'm at my worst. 

All of this to say, we are going to give homeschooling a try! For right now, we think it will be the best way to give our kids the childhood we'd like for them - more time to play, more time for extracurriculars, and, most importantly, calmer parents. 

He's Here!

George Warren
Born Saturday, November 11th at 6:00 a.m.
8 pounds, 6 ounces and 20.5 inches long



George was due on Sunday, November 5th. After Betsy's successful VBAC, I thought George would probably also be late, although of course I was hoping he arrive a bit sooner! It was actually pretty fun to have another weekend before welcoming a new baby. I went to the movies twice, with my mom and with Adam. My mom and I got pedicures and Adam and I went on a grocery shopping and coffee date.

By Monday I was starting to feel antsy. This time around, I resolved not to stress myself out by trying a million natural induction methods. I limited myself to one per day. On Monday, I raked all the leaves in the front yard, which involved lots of squats. On Tuesday, I went to prenatal yoga. On Wednesday, Adam came with me to my OB appointment. After the doctor informed me that nothing had changed from the previous week and swept my membranes again, we walked up all 18 flights of stairs at the hospital.

On Thursday, I woke up with contractions every 10-15 minutes apart. We went on a long walk around the neighborhood, during which I spent most of the time walking with one foot on the curb and one on the street. Apparently this can help baby settle into a good position. The contractions continued at the same pace all day Friday, except my calves were super sore from all the curb walking. By Friday evening, I decided to bring out the big guns and try one of the few natural induction methods I hadn't done before - using the breast pump to stimulate things and hopefully bring contractions closer together. I read online to do fifteen minutes on one side, fifteen minutes on the other, take a ten minute break, and repeat for about three hours.

So, we rented Wonder Woman, which was a pretty funny female empowerment movie to watch right before giving birth, and got started around 9:00 pm. Contractions quickly moved to three or four minutes apart. I only made it about ninety minutes before pumping got too painful. We decided to finish the movie and see if contractions kept up at the same pace. Thankfully, they did, and we headed to the hospital around midnight. I've read lots of blog posts about what to pack in your hospital bag. By our fourth baby, we are extremely minimalist. We just brought our camera!

We arrived in triage around 12:30. I was dilated to a four and 50% effaced. Once I was moved to a delivery room, a resident came to have me sign consent forms for a trial of labor and a c-section, should it be necessary. An anesthesiologist came to talk about epidurals. The nurse placed an IV and fetal heart monitors, which are kind of annoying but necessary for a VBAC. Finally, we were left alone. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to get an epidural first or have my water broken first.

I was worried about getting the epidural too early and things slowing down, because you can't receive any Pitocin with a VBAC. Since I came in just dilated to a four, I thought I should wait until I was further along. But, it was also the middle of the night and I was exhausted, so getting the epidural first ultimately won out. I am very, very glad it did. The epidural was placed at 3:00 am and I'm pretty sure I fell asleep before the anesthesiologist even left the room.

When the doctors came into break my water at 4:30, I was "complete with a lip." By the time they came in again at 5:30, I was definitely feeling a lot of pressure. Everyone assured me George was so low I'd just need to push through one contraction and he'd slip right out, which wasn't exactly the case. I'm not quite that efficient! But twenty minutes later, at 6:00 am exactly, he was here. I was so happy to finally meet him, so relieved pregnancy was over at last, and honestly just in awe that his delivery had worked out how I'd hoped. It almost felt more surreal than my first VBAC with Betsy. I mean, anything can happen once, but for things to go smoothly twice? We are very thankful to have a great hospital nearby that is so supportive of VBACs after two c-sections.



After a couple hours, we moved to a room on the postpartum floor, where we napped for a couple more hours and then Adam went home to get Grandma and George's big sisters. They were all very excited to meet him, even Betsy. She is about the same age as Claire when Maggie was born. Claire didn't really seem interested in her new sibling at first, but Betsy is so much more verbal and, as the third child, so much more aware of the world. Of course, she eventually lost interest and found every button to press in the hospital room.



We've had our children in three different hospitals thus far and every time we've been frustrated with how vague they are about discharge procedures. There was a sign in my room that said discharge would be at noon, but to let your nurse know if you'd like to leave earlier. Right away, we told the nurse we'd like to go home as soon as possible. Guess how early we got to leave? At 11:30. But since last Sunday afternoon, we've been enjoying having George at home. And Adam too, because he'll be off on paternity leave until the new year. The real hero of this story is my mom, who has been so amazing over the past few weeks that she deserves her own post!

Camping Newbies

So, in the Pacific Northwest camping is a really big thing. Adam has been camping with friends a couple times since we moved here five years ago, but I've only been camping once in my life, as a very small child. Claire and Maggie began asking to go camping last summer. We told them we could go this year, when Betsy was a bit bigger. Now, we've successfully taking them all camping overnight twice! 

Our first overnight was in mid-June. We went with the other four families in our married group (aka small group from church) to Deception Pass State Park on Whidbey Island. June in Seattle can be quite unpredictable weather-wise and we were a little worried that we would be camping in pouring rain. The forecast was cloudy but dry, so we forged ahead and hoped for the best. 

We went to a friend's birthday party that morning and arrived on the island at 3:00 pm. Lo and behold, as soon as we set up our tent and walked down to the beach, it started to drizzle.  Of course, we are plenty used to rain, so we still gave ourselves time to explore the tide pools and hunt for seashells before heading back to camp.

 

Thankfully, we were with much more experienced campers than ourselves, who came prepared with multiple rain shelters. We grilled our hotdogs on a camp stove and then received a brief respite from the rain - just long enough to build a fire and make s'mores. I think we would have had a mutiny of eleven small children on our hands if we hadn't managed that!  

Our three kids somehow haven't had to share a room yet on any of our travels, so we were nervous about how spending the night in a tent all together would go. The sound of rain pelting down on the roof of our tent was remarkably soothing and all the girls fell asleep without issues. Unfortunately, the campsites at Deception Pass are very, very close together and the strangers next-door stayed up really late chatting (even in the rain!) so Adam and I didn't sleep nearly as well. 

It was pouring when we woke up on Sunday morning, so we just ate a quick breakfast of muffins, fruit, and juice in our tent, packed everything up, took one last wet walk over to the beach, and headed home. A major downside to camping in the rain is how much work everything is to clean up afterwards! But we had time to get through a couple loads of laundry and set up the tent to dry in our garage before it was time for the evening Mass and a friend's baptism party. 

A month later, in mid-July, we stayed overnight at The Dalles campground right outside Mount Rainier. When we booked this trip in January, we just planned to go by ourselves. But after camping as a group in June, we realized it's vastly superior. Much more fun and safer to have extra adults around helping to keep an eye on your small children. So, we invited our good friends, Steven and Megan, to come along and were thrilled when they agreed. We picked up Adam and Steven from work at 2:00 on Friday afternoon and all drove down to Mt. Rainier together.









After setting up our tent (we have a 10-person, so we all fit quite comfortably) we went on a little walk through the campgrounds to see the White River and that gigantic fallen tree.









Back at the campsite, Adam and Steven got a fire going. We roasted hot dogs for dinner and made s'mores for dessert. Betsy was extremely frustrated that I wouldn't let her roast a hot dog (aka wave the stick around and smear the hot dog in the dirt) completely on her own.





Thankfully, she forgave me when it was time to read stories and get ready for bed. When we were camping in the rain in June, we pretty much hung out in the tent, reading, after the girls fell asleep around 8:00. It was so nice to be able to chat around the campfire (and roast more s'mores!) instead. Our campsite was a lot more secluded than in Deception Pass, so we didn't have any noisy neighbors, but I still didn't sleep very well. I think I need to try camping when I'm not 20+ weeks pregnant sometime! Shockingly, though, our kids all slept in past 8:00 on Saturday morning.

We had muffins, fruit, and juice for breakfast (someday I will get more creative with my campout menu!), made a picnic lunch, and packed up the campsite. We had found two options for easy, kid-friendly 2-3 mile hikes in Mount Rainier. The first was in Sunrise, but there was already no parking left by the time we drove over there, so we continued onto our Plan B, the Silver Falls hike in Ohanapecosh.

We had our picnic lunch before we started on the trail. Claire, especially, did such a great job walking the 1+ miles to the waterfall. Maggie spent a fair amount of time on Adam's shoulders, but held her own pretty well too.







We stopped for a while at the overlook for a rest and snack break. I promise Claire and Maggie are not nearly as close to the edge as it appears in one of the pictures below!















Right after we snapped these last two pictures, we started to head back and things immediately went downhill. Literally.





Claire was walking right next to us when she slipped on a tiny portion of the trail that had worn away. She went under that lower guard rail and started rolling down the cliff, falling forty feet to the bottom of the waterfall. Adam immediately went after her. I was wearing Betsy on my back in the Ergo, but I quickly scooped Maggie into my arms. I just remember screaming, frantically praying, and imagining Claire falling into the swiftly moving water at the bottom. Steven climbed down part of the way as well - he was able to see Adam reach Claire and reassure me that she was okay. It was way too steep to climb back up, so Megan ran back to the trail head to find park rangers.

Within half an hour, an EMT arrived and scrambled down to assess their injuries. Claire did not have a concussion, thankfully (just lots of cuts and bruises) while Adam sprained his ankle. A team of a dozen park rangers arrived quickly afterward to begin the process of getting them out. It took them quite a while to find a suitably large tree, secure the ropes, etc. The whole rescue process was an over two-hour ordeal. Finally, the EMT brought Claire up in a harness and then returned for Adam. We took a shortcut from the trail up to the main road, where there was an ambulance waiting. Adam and Claire set off in the ambulance for the nearest hospital, while park rangers gave the rest of us a ride back to our minivan. We met them at the hospital (super glad we all came in one car - Steven drove while I sat in the middle between Maggie and Betsy) where the ER docs made sure Claire didn't need stitches and Adam didn't break his leg.

We made it home after 11:00 pm - I carried all the sleeping children into bed while Steven and Megan generously unloaded all the camping gear. I am so thankful they were hiking with us! I don't know what we would have done without them that day. I'm also really grateful to Claire's rock star guardian angel for watching over her, to the park rangers who came to her rescue, and especially to my very brave husband. This whole situation was much, much harder on him than on me. I mean, not only did he sprain his ankle quite badly, but it was very scary actually jumping down after Claire and finding her at the bottom. She was just crumbled in a heap against a rock when he found her - that initial moment of picking her up and not knowing whether she was still alive was terrifying. She was confused about where she was initially, but then just very upset and ready to go home, so it was pretty difficult to keep her calm down there for the next two hours.

It's hard not to replay the moment your daughter fell off a cliff again and again in your mind. This experience has also brought back all the memories from the other time Claire almost died - immediately after she was born. When I first visited her in the NICU, the doctors told us she might not make it through the night. That scene, especially, has been running through my head frequently. I was on so much pain medication from the c-section that I didn't fully comprehended the situation, and by the next morning they knew she was out of the woods, although she was still very sick, of course. Adam was not on narcotics, so, again, that night was much scarier from his perspective.

I spent the two hours I was waiting for Claire to be rescued thinking about how much better of a mom I want to be. If that was the last time I saw her, I would be very disappointed with how distracted I am much of the time, mostly just with chores and my to-do list, but also by my phone. It's amazing how you can spend all your time with three small people, but how little you can actually be focused entirely on them. I hope that I've been doing better these past three weeks, although it's been a hard to balance as I've had more chores to do because of Adam's sprained ankle.

Thankfully, Adam and Claire are both healing well. Praise Jesus for saving our little girl twice now!

Party of Six

I was hoping to write about our trip before making this announcement, but, alas, I am just falling behind on everything these days! But for the very best reason - that we are expecting our fourth child this fall. We are very, very excited to find out the gender in a couple weeks. On that front, Kate from Sancta Nomina generously did another baby name consultation for us. Please head over to read all of her fantastic suggestions and chime in with your own!

She's Here!

On my due date, Monday, February 1st, I had a prenatal appointment in the morning. She swept my membranes and told me I was dilated to a one and 75% effaced. I went to the chiropractor and acupuncture that afternoon. I felt my first contractions on the drive home! I had never made it to my due date or felt a contraction in my previous pregnancies, so it was an exciting day of firsts. The contractions continued every 8-10 minutes the rest of the evening and all day Tuesday.

On Tuesday evening, they were consistently 6 minutes apart and kept me up all night, so we went into the hospital around 4:00 am. Of course, they slowed back down to every 10 minutes as soon as we got there. At least I was now dilated to a two and 80% effaced. Contractions continued at the same pace on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, but grew increasingly painful. My lower back just felt like it was burning each time.

 By Saturday morning, I was so exhausted and felt like my spirit was being crushed by each painful contraction that seemed like they would never get close enough together to actually put me in labor. We took Claire and Maggie to their first dance and gymnastics class, which improved my mood considerably, and decided to go to the hospital again after lunch. My doula had suggested they might give me a sleeping pill so I could at least rest.

When they checked me, I was dilated to a four and 90% effaced, so they asked if we could walk around for two hours and come back. So, we spent two hours wandering around, climbing stairs sideways and doing squats. It was so nice to have a couple hours to concentrate on contractions with Adam around, but with no little kids! I relaxed immediately. When we went back to triage, I was still four centimeters, but completely effaced. They said they couldn't give me a sleeping pill because I was so close to active labor and they didn't want me sleeping through it!

Our options were to come home, with the promise that things were getting closer and we'd most likely be back soon, or to stay and have them break my water. They said they wouldn't suggest it if they didn't think it would work, but that I couldn't have any pitocin to help things along because it increases the risk of uterine rupture in VBACs. Man, this was a hard decision! Ultimately we agreed that five days of early labor was more than enough and asked to have my water broken.

We checked into a delivery room at 5:30 pm. The nurse had me change into a gown and started a hep lock in case I needed an IV later on. The on-call OB introduced herself and had me sign some consent forms. An anesthesiologist came by to talk about the epidural procedure so we'd be all ready to go if I wanted one. The OB did an ultrasound to confirm Betsy was head down and we discovered that she was posterior, which explained why my back was hurting so much! Our doula arrived at some point and had me try some different positions to get Betsy to turn around. Before we knew it, three hours had passed.

The doctor checked me at 8:30 and I was dilated to a six, although contractions still hadn't really moved closer together. We decided to hold off on breaking my water, the only trick in the bag, as long as I kept progressing on my own. We spent the next two hours trying different positions and chatting with our doula. Nothing had changed at 10:30, so the doctor broke my water. It was actually very anti-climatic, just a tiny trickle. The doctor really wanted me to get an epidural in case I ended up needing another c-section. Part of me had wanted to labor without medication, but after several days of painful contractions, that part of me was long gone. I was so exhausted from nights of almost no sleep!

After the doctor broke my water, I asked to begin the epidural process. The nurse got a bag of fluids going in my IV. The contractions all of a sudden got much closer together. I was standing and leaning on Adam, while he and the doula reminded me to breathe. I was mostly able to breathe through them, but I definitely broke down a few times, repeatedly asking when the epidural would be ready and crying that I couldn't do this anymore. I don't think I've ever been as happy to see anyone as I was to see the anesthesiologist walk in the room.

By 11:30 the epidural was in place and I was extolling the virtues of modern medicine. The OB came into check me again right afterwards and said that I was at a ten! Turns out I had been in transition for the last hour. The contractions never really gained in intensity from what I had been feeling the last several days, just finally grew closer together. I was glad that I wasn't a huge wimp after all. They let me rest and "labor down" for the next hour. It was such a weird feeling, knowing we were about to meet our baby. Except I was worried it would still be a long time yet, since the last we heard Betsy was posterior. I was imagining a four-hour pushing session and knew that even though we had made it this far, it was still possible to end up with another c-section.

They got the room all set up, we got started at 12:30 am, and she was out by 1:15. At some point, Betsy had flipped around into the normal position (eyes facing my back, instead of my front). I had built up pushing in my mind as the hardest part of labor, but thankfully that wasn't the case, especially because it's the only part I had that blessed epidural for! I was thrilled to be the first person to hold my baby. Adam and I couldn't stop saying how we couldn't believe that everything had actually worked out, especially that day. It was the most surreal experience of our life thus far.

But, y'all, I feel like my friends had all told me that I wouldn't even notice the whole after birth experience (delivering the placenta and getting stitched up). I would just like to go on record stating that I definitely noticed and was very glad when everyone was done poking around down there. After a couple hours, we were moved to a postpartum room on the floor below and finally got some sleep.

Adam picked up my mom, Claire, and Maggie in the morning and took them to meet Betsy. They were so sweet with their new little sister! He came back for a few hours in the afternoon, but mostly complained about being tired and not feeling well. My thoughts were, "Uh, yeah, same here." But when he went home again to help put the girls to bed, he came down with the worst stomach bug of his life! He actually called our friend, Steven (Betsy's godfather), to take him to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Steven also picked me and Betsy up from the hospital when we got discharged Monday morning.

Not really how I expected my hospital stay to go, but luckily I'm pretty good at taking care of newborns by now, especially when I don't have to recover from a c-section and can walk around on my own afterward. My mom was wonderful with the girls, of course, and Adam was back to normal by Tuesday. As far as c-section recovery versus that of a regular delivery, besides the immediate obvious advantages of the first couple days (aka being able to walk on your own), I think recovering from a vaginal delivery with just Tylenol is about the equivalent of recovering from abdominal surgery on Percocet. But I felt back to normal after my c-sections in about two weeks, while I know others have a tougher time.

The biggest reason I am so happy to have a VBAC is just to have all the childbearing possibilities of a normal 26-year-old woman. At least for now, because only God knows what the future holds, I don't have to worry about endangering my life or that of my child if we were to have a not-completely-planned pregnancy. And it seems like the odds of that are pretty good when using NFP. Just to have a future full of possibilities makes me feel like all my dreams have come true!

I am so thankful to all the doctors and nurses at the University of Washington for making it possible. Everyone was really supportive and wanted to see me succeed. My doctor at the community hospital where Maggie was born seemed to have the attitude of, "Sure, if the stars align perfectly you might end up with a VBAC." The only reason I even knew we could try for another VBAC is because Adam's cousin is an OB. He told us they were safer than getting a third c-section and that UW would be a good place to go for one. Except for a few things, like not allowing pitocin and encouraging an epidural, I feel like the doctors there were on my team and treated me like everyone else.

I just feel so grateful right now - for three healthy daughters, for living near a great research hospital, for a successful VBAC, for a mother who generously came to take care of us for three weeks, and for a husband who doesn't have to go back to work full-time for ten weeks. Life is wonderful.