Overwhelmed

Now that I've caught up on all the really great things that happened since George's arrival, I want to talk about how overwhelming I've found daily life with four little kids. I was incredibly fortunate to have so much help - Adam was off on paternity leave for all of November and December, then my sister was home with me most of January and February before she started her new job.

Before George was born, our weekdays went very smoothly. Adam and I woke up before the kids to pray and get ready for the day. We all left the house at 8:00 am - Adam riding his bike to work and me taking all the kids to drop Claire off at school. A few days a week we stayed for daily Mass and then headed to the gym or to run errands. Maggie and Betsy did music class and art class - on those mornings Mass didn't fit in easily but I had time to get all of the house cleaning done while they played happily. We picked Claire up from half-day kindergarten after lunch and then Betsy would take a nap while I helped with homework. I got to have one-on-one time with Betsy one afternoon a week while Claire and Maggie went to Catechesis. The two little girls entertained themselves with other younger siblings at the playground during soccer practice, while I got to chat with a friend. 

All of this was very difficult or impossible to maintain with a little baby. I was too tired from feeding George in the middle of the night to drive Claire to school most of the time. Since we only have one car, that meant Adam would drive her and then come home to get his bike and ride to work. Of course, that also meant no more daily Mass. Being the only parent juggling three kids at music class and art class was really stressful. Especially art class, when all the other families just had one child and I actually had to assist the girls with projects while keeping a baby happy. I definitely wasn't leaving George in the gym childcare after he was hospitalized for RSV. Wearing a baby and pushing two kids in a shopping cart isn't a super relaxing way to grocery shop, but I couldn't try pick-up or delivery because we were obligated to buy Scrip gift cards for our groceries to support the school and you can't use gift cards to order groceries online. Since soccer was over, we wanted to put the two oldest girls in swim lessons, but I couldn't handle taking all four to the pool by myself, so we scheduled those for Saturday mornings. The best swim lessons we could afford were at a YMCA almost thirty minutes away. I also could never manage to get any house cleaning done during the week, so I would often spend most of the weekend tackling chores. The only way we managed to complete our required volunteer hours for the school was due to scheduling shifts while Adam and Allison were home in the winter months. 

Early into this stressful spring semester, it was time to figure out the plan for next school year. Claire would be going to the parish school full-time for first grade - staying until 3:15 instead of 1:30. The only preschool we could afford for Maggie was the same coop preschool we did with Claire. To complete our weekly volunteer commitment, we figured Adam wouldn't get to work until noon that day and stay until 8:00 pm. Of course, there would be evening and weekend volunteer commitments for the preschool as well, and we'd also have to meet our volunteer hours at the parish school. We wouldn't want Claire staying for two hours of Catechesis on top of a full school day, so we planned to move that to Sunday afternoons. We wouldn't be able to afford much in the way of extracurriculars anyway, but we knew we'd want to limit them to Fridays after school or Saturday mornings, that way Claire would have time to play after a long school day. Oh, and once a week school would get out an hour earlier, which would mean cutting naps very short for pick up unless I could beg a friend to drive Claire home. 

A typical day would mean waking George up at 6:00 so I could put him down for a nap at 8:00, have Adam do some work from home, take Betsy along to drop Claire at 8:30 and Maggie at 9:00, rush home so Adam could get to work, wake George up by 10:00, pick Maggie up at 11:30, head home for lunch, get the two youngest down for naps by 1:00, prep dinner and do chores with Maggie's "help", wake Betsy and George right before 3:00 and throw them into the car to get to the school at 3:15, always be one of the last cars in line so Claire is one of the last kids picked up, finally get home at 4:00, help with homework and finish dinner with a baby wreaking havoc all along the way. 

It would be tough but workable if we knew George was going to be our last baby. But, as Catholics, Adam and I don't believe in birth control and do not trust ourselves to use natural family planning correctly for over a decade (we are still in our twenties) unless we had a very serious reason to do so. We are fully on board with spacing our children out a bit more than we have so far, but we are, God-willing, not done having babies. So....if we can't change the having babies every few years, we'd need to change other aspects of how we've set up our life in order to, well, survive it. 

Obviously, the coop preschool just wasn't going to work. After a lot of prayer, we came to the conclusion that the driving, volunteering, and expense of parish school wasn't right for us either. The bus stop for the public school is right across the street from our house - that makes so much more sense, right? No more carline with babies and toddlers, no volunteer requirements, minimal expense. Although I'd still have to drive to preschool if we wanted to go down that road, at least we'd be able to afford one that didn't require such a huge time commitment. 

We do have some worries about sending our kids to public school in this area (Seattle in 2018 is very different from Houston in 1998) but our biggest reservation was just that the school day is sooooooooo long for little kids. We want our children to have time to play! With their siblings and their toys at home, not just at recess. We want to have them in a few extracurriculars, but that seems like too much to tack onto an already too long school day, so scheduling them on the weekend felt like our only option, which isn't ideal. I also felt like with Claire in school all day, I'd only get to see her at the most stressful times of the day to juggle many small children - the morning rush out the door and the homework/dinner/bedtime grind in the evening. I don't want almost all of her interactions with me to be when I'm at my worst. 

All of this to say, we are going to give homeschooling a try! For right now, we think it will be the best way to give our kids the childhood we'd like for them - more time to play, more time for extracurriculars, and, most importantly, calmer parents. 

He's Here!

George Warren
Born Saturday, November 11th at 6:00 a.m.
8 pounds, 6 ounces and 20.5 inches long



George was due on Sunday, November 5th. After Betsy's successful VBAC, I thought George would probably also be late, although of course I was hoping he arrive a bit sooner! It was actually pretty fun to have another weekend before welcoming a new baby. I went to the movies twice, with my mom and with Adam. My mom and I got pedicures and Adam and I went on a grocery shopping and coffee date.

By Monday I was starting to feel antsy. This time around, I resolved not to stress myself out by trying a million natural induction methods. I limited myself to one per day. On Monday, I raked all the leaves in the front yard, which involved lots of squats. On Tuesday, I went to prenatal yoga. On Wednesday, Adam came with me to my OB appointment. After the doctor informed me that nothing had changed from the previous week and swept my membranes again, we walked up all 18 flights of stairs at the hospital.

On Thursday, I woke up with contractions every 10-15 minutes apart. We went on a long walk around the neighborhood, during which I spent most of the time walking with one foot on the curb and one on the street. Apparently this can help baby settle into a good position. The contractions continued at the same pace all day Friday, except my calves were super sore from all the curb walking. By Friday evening, I decided to bring out the big guns and try one of the few natural induction methods I hadn't done before - using the breast pump to stimulate things and hopefully bring contractions closer together. I read online to do fifteen minutes on one side, fifteen minutes on the other, take a ten minute break, and repeat for about three hours.

So, we rented Wonder Woman, which was a pretty funny female empowerment movie to watch right before giving birth, and got started around 9:00 pm. Contractions quickly moved to three or four minutes apart. I only made it about ninety minutes before pumping got too painful. We decided to finish the movie and see if contractions kept up at the same pace. Thankfully, they did, and we headed to the hospital around midnight. I've read lots of blog posts about what to pack in your hospital bag. By our fourth baby, we are extremely minimalist. We just brought our camera!

We arrived in triage around 12:30. I was dilated to a four and 50% effaced. Once I was moved to a delivery room, a resident came to have me sign consent forms for a trial of labor and a c-section, should it be necessary. An anesthesiologist came to talk about epidurals. The nurse placed an IV and fetal heart monitors, which are kind of annoying but necessary for a VBAC. Finally, we were left alone. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to get an epidural first or have my water broken first.

I was worried about getting the epidural too early and things slowing down, because you can't receive any Pitocin with a VBAC. Since I came in just dilated to a four, I thought I should wait until I was further along. But, it was also the middle of the night and I was exhausted, so getting the epidural first ultimately won out. I am very, very glad it did. The epidural was placed at 3:00 am and I'm pretty sure I fell asleep before the anesthesiologist even left the room.

When the doctors came into break my water at 4:30, I was "complete with a lip." By the time they came in again at 5:30, I was definitely feeling a lot of pressure. Everyone assured me George was so low I'd just need to push through one contraction and he'd slip right out, which wasn't exactly the case. I'm not quite that efficient! But twenty minutes later, at 6:00 am exactly, he was here. I was so happy to finally meet him, so relieved pregnancy was over at last, and honestly just in awe that his delivery had worked out how I'd hoped. It almost felt more surreal than my first VBAC with Betsy. I mean, anything can happen once, but for things to go smoothly twice? We are very thankful to have a great hospital nearby that is so supportive of VBACs after two c-sections.



After a couple hours, we moved to a room on the postpartum floor, where we napped for a couple more hours and then Adam went home to get Grandma and George's big sisters. They were all very excited to meet him, even Betsy. She is about the same age as Claire when Maggie was born. Claire didn't really seem interested in her new sibling at first, but Betsy is so much more verbal and, as the third child, so much more aware of the world. Of course, she eventually lost interest and found every button to press in the hospital room.



We've had our children in three different hospitals thus far and every time we've been frustrated with how vague they are about discharge procedures. There was a sign in my room that said discharge would be at noon, but to let your nurse know if you'd like to leave earlier. Right away, we told the nurse we'd like to go home as soon as possible. Guess how early we got to leave? At 11:30. But since last Sunday afternoon, we've been enjoying having George at home. And Adam too, because he'll be off on paternity leave until the new year. The real hero of this story is my mom, who has been so amazing over the past few weeks that she deserves her own post!

The First Month of Our First Child in Kindergarten

Claire started kindergarten at our parish school right after Labor Day. It hasn't been a perfectly smooth transition, but so far we are all enjoying the new schedule and we feel very confident that we made the right decision for this school year. 

She has school from 8:30 to 1:30 every day - all the other grades stay until 3:15, but the afternoon time is optional for kindergarten. Claire will probably be our only child who gets the opportunity to leave early, except for maybe our youngest. But she seems to appreciate the extra time at home to play with Maggie and has not asked to stay yet. It's been working out great because Betsy's pretty flexible at almost two and I can just put her down for a nap after school, rather than having to wake her every day for pick up. 

Kindergarten has two recesses and a different "special" every day - library, gym, music, art, and school Mass. They go on two field trips a semester and have parties for just about every holiday. I know kindergarten is way more academic than it used to be, but it's still a lot of fun.

Claire gets to buy her lunch once a week, on pizza day, and brings homemade "lunchables" (cheese, ham, crackers) the other days. I like to have all the components already sliced up so she can assemble it herself. Only on weekdays, she has about five to ten minutes of homework, usually a simple math worksheet and handwriting practice. I try to sit with her and get that done right after I put Betsy down for a nap after school. 

We were most worried about getting everyone out the door by 8:15 every morning in a relatively calm fashion, but it's gone much better than we imagined. Adam and I try to get up at 5:30 so that we have some quiet prayer time before starting on chores. We're significantly more successful on Mondays than on Fridays! As long as we wake up at 6:00, we have enough time to get ready, make our bed, empty the dishwasher, and make breakfast. We get the girls up at 7:00, eat breakfast together, make their beds, get them dressed, clean up the kitchen, and then we're all out the door. 

The best part about school is that it's added the structure into our life that's been missing for the last five years, since Adam's job as a software developer is very flexible. Now that he spends from 8:30 to 5:00 at the office, he hasn't had to do work at night once in the last month! (Before kindergarten started, he usually left for work about an hour later but came home at the same time, so he almost always had work to finish in the evening.) Since we have to make Claire's lunch, we have been so much better about packing Adam's. I've been trying to plan meals that will provide leftovers for him to take, which makes it a no-brainer and is really great for our budget, especially now that we're paying Catholic school tuition.

Another great part of school is that daily Mass starts at 8:40, leaving the little girls and I with just enough time to swing by the parish library to chose a picture book for each of them and then head into the church. We don't go every day, but we've made it two or three days a week thus far. I love going to daily Mass, even if it's a bit crazy with two small children tagging along. I couldn't imagine getting out of the house that early before! On days we attend Mass, we often head to the Y afterward, then come home for lunch and play/chore time before getting Claire. It's basically my idea of a perfect morning.

 

But, of course, things haven't been perfect. Claire has been very tired as she adjusts to kindergarten and a tired five year-old is obviously more likely to whine or throw tantrums. Transition times have been especially tricky - when it's time to leave for school in the morning, when we get home from school, and when it's time to clean up toys/eat dinner/get ready for bed. Maggie has been demonstrating similar behavior. I'm not sure why she would be more tired than usual, but I imagine it's just been hard to adjust to life without her best friend around in the mornings. Betsy actually seems happier, though, because Maggie has been sweetly playing with her while Claire's at school. Before the dynamic was the two older sisters playing while the baby sister messed up their game, so it's been really nice to see Betsy included in play time.

Claire and Maggie sometimes have a hard time reconnecting and playing together in the afternoon without constant squabbles. Reading a couple picture books together once Betsy's down for a nap seems to help. A few times when the fighting has been really bad, I've had them lay down in bed and listen to a chapter of our current read aloud.

Claire has been playing CYO soccer and we all have mixed feelings about it. She has practice on Monday afternoons and games on Friday evening. The practice is pretty early in the afternoon and she always complains about how she doesn't have enough time to play that day. But she does really like the two other girls on her team and Adam and I have enjoyed getting to know the other parents. We're glad we gave it a try, but I don't see us signing up again next year. Only three more weeks! We had our first American Heritage Girls meeting (I am leading the kindergarten girls this year) and the next day, Claire said, "I really liked going to the girls' club with you, Mommy." So I'm counting that as a big win and hoping she feels the same way about going to children's choir with Adam when it starts in November.

Both Claire and Maggie go to Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. Claire also has religious instruction in school, but it's just workbooks and CGS, being Montessori, is very different. She doesn't seem to mind going at all, although she's never really told me much about it. I've learned more from Maggie in the last month than I have from Claire over the past two years!

Maggie has a little music class one morning a week and a little art class another morning. I know I said in my last post about schooling decisions that we would have to say goodbye to our beloved music class, but when I emailed the teacher to tell her we couldn't afford it on top of Catholic school tuition, she generously offered to subsidize our monthly fees. She is the best! It will be hard with a newborn tagging along as well during the spring semester, but Maggie and Betsy just love it so much that I couldn't possibly refuse her kind offer. Art class is actually taught by one of the kindergarten instructional assistants, in her home. It's been really wonderful thus far. I know Maggie would love to be in preschool, but she very much appreciates and enjoys the three activities she's enrolled in. All together, they're significantly cheaper than any preschool I've found in our area.

Basically what this all boils down to is that Claire is enjoying kindergarten, Maggie is enjoying her preschool activities, Betsy is enjoying having one-on-one play time with her next oldest sister, and their parents are enjoying have more structure imposed on our days. Things are going quite smoothly for the most part - just in time to add a newborn into the mix. We're actually moving Betsy into the big girls' room tonight in preparation for their little brother's arrival. Wish us luck!

Summer Memories

School has been in session for almost two weeks now, but before I write about how Claire's doing in kindergarten, I've got to record some of my favorite summer memories. First up, how I spent my weekdays with all three girls at home.

Well, we spent A LOT of time at the park with friends. We loved going to the Tuesday morning kids' concerts at the beach, playing in the water, enjoying a picnic lunch, and sharing ice cream sandwiches from the snack stand for dessert. We joined the Y again and made it there at least once a week. We were sad that our parish didn't have vacation bible school this year, but Claire and Maggie did a little tennis day camp at the park and had a weekly soccer clinic there as well. All three girls did swim lessons - the place where they've done dance/gymnastics for the last couple years also has an outdoor pool and starts lessons for kids at eighteen months. We started on Betsy's half birthday in August! Even though she didn't really learn anything, it was worth it to have her happily splashing in the pool instead of grumpily watching from the sidelines. The girls and I all agreed that the swim instructor was much, much better than the teachers at the private swim club in our neighborhood, where we'd done lessons the last couple years.

At the very beginning of the summer, I devised a plan for spending a little learning/spiritual growth time with my big girls during Betsy's afternoon nap. I drew up this schedule for myself:

Monday: Bible journals + books on CD
Tuesday:  Saint story + wipe clean workbooks
Wednesday: Bible journals + audio book with quiet activity
Thursday: Catholic treasure box story + board game
Friday: Rosary + sensory activity

For quiet activities, I mean puzzles, pattern blocks, and perler "biggie" beads. Just something to keep their hands busy while they listened to Little House in the Big Woods and Farmer Boy. For sensory activities, I mean play dough, kinetic sand, or these water beads. We prayed the rosary by listening to these CDs from Holy Heroes and coloring in the accompanying coloring books. The Catholic Treasure Box books are from the 1950s, but were also purchased from Holy Heroes. We can't recommend them enough - our girls love the stories and we've learned a lot from them as adults.

We didn't stick to this schedule exactly the whole summer. Sometimes I knew they were just too tired from spending all morning playing at the park or the beach. Sometimes they were deep into an pretend world that I wasn't about to interfere with - both because I think imaginative games with your siblings are the very best education of all in early childhood and because it meant I could sneak off to finish chores or read a book on my own!

We were most dedicated to our bible journal project. We used Maite Roche's Bible for Little Ones because the stories are very simple and her illustrations are gorgeous. I found some blank storybooks at the Target Dollar Spot. Basically, I'd read the story to the girls, they would draw a picture in their bible journal, and then I'd write their narrated versions of the story.

Here's a page from Maggie's journal:

She said, "The big guy, Goliath's, shield gets stuck in a tree. Then he can't attack. The little guy, David, throws a rock at him. One of the trees falls over. Goliath is killed. David wins the war and a rainbow comes out!"

This is the page she was looking at in the children's bible: 

Here's a page from Claire's journal: 

She said, "Isaiah is telling everyone that God is real. A dove flaps onto his shoulder. The big star in the sky is trying to show that God is real too. Jesus is going to come tomorrow!"

This is the page she was looking at in the children's bible:

We made it through the twelve stories in the Old Testament. Next summer, I'd love to have them work on the New Testament in a new journal - it would be really fun to see how their artistic style has changed. They were both very proud of the finished product. Claire even brought hers in for her first show-and-tell in kindergarten. 

My other summer goal was to have them greatly improve in their ability to clean up the toys at the end of the day. I paid them a quarter for a job well done and periodically took them to spend their money on new books at the thrift store or new puzzles and coloring books at the dollar store. We're very much still a work in progress (especially when it comes to completing this task without whining, tantrums, and a million reminders to focus) but there's been definite improvement.



On the weekend, our town's summer fair and farmer's market are always highlights of the summer. We also made it to the beach as a family twice, where Adam demonstrated that he is most definitely the fun parent.







For us, summer means lots of berry picking. We kicked it off with strawberries on a particularly warm Saturday morning in June. Claire and Maggie are true Seattle children and were not enthused by the unusually hot temperatures.









 



In July, we picked raspberries and blueberries. In August, we picked blackberries - wild blackberries grow everywhere in Seattle, so there are no u-pick farms. We found an abundance at our local playground. We also harvested the apples from our backyard tree in August and turned them into applesauce. We use the strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries in homemade ice cream, as well as enjoying lots fresh with whipped cream and angel food cake (made with all the egg whites leftover from ice cream). We just freeze the blueberries to use in muffins and pancakes throughout the year.





















We spent a very fun Saturday morning at Remlinger Farms, an amusement park for little kids. This was the last year Claire could go on all the rides (before she's too tall) and it made us realize that our family outings will have to change when we don't have only small children anymore. I imagine we'll have to split up sometimes, but hopefully we'll mostly stick to things everyone enjoys.











We spent another enjoyable Saturday morning at the zoo, although since it was another unusually warm day, most of the animals were hiding in the shade. I think the zoo is really a better spring or fall activity - as long as it's not pouring down rain, it's a pretty good time. We were surprised to see the hippo out of his pond, since it seems like we never get a good glimpse of him. Along with the rest of the zoo patrons, we were most excited to see the baby giraffe born earlier in the summer.

Summer is such an odd time of year here in Seattle. We want to squeeze in as much fun as possible while the sun is shining, but we also have more chores to keep up with, since there's always yard work to be done. This year, we also wanted to get a few house projects finished before our new baby arrives in November and knew we would have much less time once school started. I actually felt quite relieved when the rain, cloudy skies, and cooler temperatures returned this week!

Preschool Graduation + Kindergarten Decisions

About this time last year, I wrote a post about the six different schooling options we were considering for our kids and how we'd decided to send Claire to a year of play-based, cooperative preschool.

Well, she finished up preschool about a month ago and had the best time. She loved her teacher, the friends she made there, the daily art projects, and playing outside. Maggie and Betsy really loved being able to join in occasionally for field trips and holiday parties. Adam and I took turns doing the weekly volunteer shift. We enjoyed our time there - our favorite job was being the story person (it was fun to find books that went with the week's theme) and our least favorite was being the snack person (although I had a tendency to overthink things and spend too much time on themed snacks). It definitely added a bit of stress to our week because Adam had to take time off work for one of us to volunteer - he would stay late that evening to make up for it. Most of the other parents either had an only child or this was their youngest or they had family in town to watch their other children. A couple moms, who each had one younger child, did a babysitting swap with each other. I think that would be the ideal set-up for us if we could ever arrange it. 

On their last day in their classroom, they symbolically released some butterflies, had a little graduation ceremony, and watched a slideshow that brought all the parents to tears. On the very last day of school, they had a picnic in the park. Both Claire and I were pretty sad about preschool coming to an end. It's the end of this little five-year era of not having to worry about a school schedule. After all, Adam was still in school when Claire was born! 

For elementary school, the only option we really crossed off our list was the public charter school. You have to drive your kids and it's just a bit too far for that to be a good option for us. I don't see us ever moving to that neighborhood, since it's more expensive and farther from Adam's work. We also determined the neighborhood public school and the traditional coop at a nearby parish weren't options we needed to eliminate entirely, but weren't what we wanted to try right off the bat. 

So, that left our parish school and two homeschool enrichment programs. We toured all three of these and honestly, they all sounded really great. Ultimately, we went with our parish school because it's the only option that might not easily be on the table down the road. They have one class of thirty students for each grade. If we tried homeschooling and wanted to quit a few years from now, it would be very, very unlikely that the school would have openings in fifth, third, and first grades, for example. Especially when we found out we'd be welcoming another baby sooner than we'd originally planned, it just made sense to start with the parish school and try homeschooling at some point down the line if we need to. 

We don't have a projected budget of how we're going to pay for 4+ children to attend Catholic school. We know we can afford Claire's tuition right now. We will certainly have to seriously reevaluate everything when Maggie enters kindergarten in two years - whether we can afford the tuition increase, if the school is a good fit for our family, and if we feel like the school is worth the financial sacrifices. But the only way we can really know these things is by giving it a try!

Kindergarten is from 8:30 to 1:30, with the choice to stay for "optional time" (games, centers, etc) until 3:15. I am hoping we can pick up Claire up from school at 1:30, although most kids stay so I have to prepare for the possibility that she'll really want to stay too. I just think it will be good for her to have more time at home to play with Maggie and it will be easier for me to wait until 1:45 to get the little kids down for their naps, rather than having to wake them at 3:00 for pick up. I'm hoping at the very least we can have her come home early on the days she has afternoon activities. 

She will still do Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, even though she'll also have religious instruction at school. It's such a great program and I don't want her to miss out on the benefits. She doesn't have to keep going all the way to age twelve if she really doesn't want to, but for now I don't think she'll have a problem with it. She's not old enough to know that it's not required and she'll be happy that Maggie will be in class with her. 

In the fall, she will do CYO soccer, which thankfully is just in September and October, so it will be finished by the time our new baby arrives. She'll also be in the programs Adam and I already volunteer with, American Heritage Girls and the children's choir. Those are pretty low-key once a month commitments, so I don't think it will be too much. 

During the spring semester, I would like to put Claire and Maggie both in swim lessons, more intensive than what we've usually done in the summer. I think at almost 6 and 4.5, they are old enough to really get it. Those will have to be either once Adam gets home from work in the evening or on the weekend, because the prospect of bringing a two-year-old and a newborn to the pool as well doesn't sound very appealing. 

Maggie will not be doing preschool this year. I know she would absolutely love it and I wish there was some way to make it work, but we've determined that we will only be able to give our children one year of preschool, at least as long as our older kids are going to the parish school. The coop preschool is too big of a time commitment for us to do for two years for everyone and the next cheapest preschool we've found is double the cost. We need to save our money for elementary tuition! We are planning to have Maggie do the coop preschool the following year, when she's four, and we're hoping that by the time Betsy's four maybe we'll be able to afford a year of traditional preschool.

As I mentioned above, she will do the afternoon session of Catechesis of the Good Shepherd with Claire. I would like her to have one more class of some sort - after all, she will be four in October. When Claire was three, she did CGS, music class, and one more little activity - cooking class in the fall and dance/gymnastics in the spring. Unfortunately, I think our time in music class has to come to an end. I would need to enroll both Maggie and Betsy, which is now just too expensive, and I know from past experience that it's too hard to juggle a little baby, a toddler, and a preschooler in class. (I only had to do that for two months after Betsy was born, but this time it would be for a whole semester.) We will all miss their lovely music teacher, but music class will have to be fondly remembered as part of this sweet five-years-with-only-little-kids era. We've moved past the time for paid activities for under-preschool-age children.

One of the kindergarten instructional assistants also runs a preschool art class out of her home one morning a week. I'd love to get Maggie in that if possible, especially because I'm not great at doing that kind of stuff at home with multiple smaller children underfoot. If that doesn't work out, I've thought about putting her in some sort of soccer class of her own in the fall, because she loves to be just like Claire, and then as I already mentioned, having them do swimming together in the spring. But after going to the pool with them this weekend, my mom made the excellent point that maybe Maggie needs a full year of swimming, and Claire should just join in for the spring semester. (Claire, being eighteen months older, has much less fear and much more desire to figure it out.)

 Adam and I are looking forward to school imposing more of a schedule on our days. His work is very flexible and he's definitely a night owl, so for the past five years it's been all too easy to get into the habit of not getting to work quite as early as he should and then finishing up a few things in the evening. Since we only have one car, I will be taking the kids to drop Claire off at school and we'll all be leaving the house at 8:15, which is a solid hour before Adam usually leaves! I have grand visions of going to daily Mass every day (it starts right after the school bell rings) and then heading to the gym. I'm clearly not thinking past October, ha ha, but for those two months at least it should work out quite nicely.

The school had a used uniform sale at the beginning of June, so I got Claire stocked up on plaid jumpers and red cardigans for less than $25. Is there anything cuter than a kindergartner in a Catholic school uniform?!

The End of An Era

This week, all of our little activities are ending for the summer. We've been going to playgroup and music class since Claire was six months old, but we won't be resuming either in the fall. Having those two activities on the calendar each week was a huge blessing in my adjustment to motherhood. I met lots of great friends in both groups and absolutely loved their music teacher. I'm sure we'll keep in touch, but it's sad thinking these friends will be choosing all kinds of schooling options for kindergarten. As hard as the early years of parenthood are, I know I'm going to miss the freedom we have right now and hope to really savor the next year.

We'll be applying what we previously spent on music class to Claire's preschool tuition. At first I thought I could still lead the church playgroup, but I quickly realized it would just be too much. It meets from 10:00 to 11:30 and Claire's preschool starts at 12:00, so there would be no time for her to eat lunch, not to mention squeezing in a morning nap for Betsy. I got really stressed just thinking about how to handle those logistics and knew it was time to step down.

There are so many different directions to go in with a church playgroup, but I thought I would share what we did over the two years I was in charge, just in case anyone out there is looking for ideas!

Weekly morning meetings. We met every Wednesday, at the church nursery during the school year and at a neighborhood park during the summer. The kids played and the moms chatted. When bickering and whining ensued about halfway through the meeting, we gave the kids a snack of goldfish or animal crackers, which somehow allowed them to reset and continue playing happily. We had lots of great discussions about NFP, raising children in the faith, and all sorts of Catholic topics you would never dare to bring up at a secular play date.

Service projects. Once a month, we assembled sack lunches for the homeless. A street evangelist who works with our parish would pick them up and pass them out on his rounds. A couple people would bring sandwiches, someone would bring chips, another would bring fruit, and so on. This was set up by the previous leader and was super easy to keep going. We also tried to organize a bigger service project for Advent and Lent. We played Secret Santa for a family in need, we donated children's books to the library at my sister's orphanage, and we assembled food boxes for needy elementary students during school breaks. The food boxes were very similar to sack lunches, just on a larger scale. Someone brought oatmeal, someone brought applesauce, etc.

Prayer. The previous playgroup leader tried to lead us through a mediation each meeting. It was constantly interrupted by small children and I personally found it pretty stressful. When I took over, I thought maybe we should take advantage of our wonderful perpetual adoration chapel and encouraged everyone to stop in and pray with their kids for a few minutes before or after the meeting. I got this okayed by our priest and the scheduled adorers. No one really took advantage of this, myself included, so we discontinued it after a semester. For the next year and a half, we pretty much just said grace before the kids' snack. If I was going to be in charge again next year, I would take another stab at prayer. Leading group prayer isn't really my strong suit, especially when I'm distracted by watching my children. I think the key for me would be focusing prayer around the kids, maybe by saying a decade of the rosary with them or teaching them hymns.  

Evening book club. We've always tried to read a parenting or spiritual book each semester. Before I was in charge, we discussed the book during our regular morning meetings but, again, I found the constant interruptions by small children stressful. So, I started a monthly evening book club instead. I brought dessert and wrote an outline or discussion questions for the assigned chapters. We read The Temperament God Gave Your Kids, The 5 Love Languages of Children, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Beyond the Birds & the Bees. I hoped moving the discussion to the evening would also allow working moms or moms with older children to attend, but overall this didn't have the attendance I would have liked. I'm not really sure why. If I was leading the group again next year, I would see if there's more interest in a different mom's night out activity. Maybe bunco or just praying a holy hour together and then going out for ice cream.

Speakers. The admissions director for our parish school came in to talk with us and then I asked a few very gracious homeschooling friends to come in as well. These events were both really popular and made me wish we could organize speakers more often. My next idea would be to invite a teacher to talk about Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, but I wouldn't really know where to go from there.  

New baby meals. What would a playgroup be without providing meals for each other when new babies arrive? I would usually set up the meal schedule and all of our regular attendees would quickly fill it up. I was so grateful to be on the receiving end of this when Betsy arrived in February.

Outings. At the end of each school year we went out for lunch at a favorite pizza place. Occasionally, we met for other outings, like to a jumping place in the winter or a farm park in the summer. Whenever I remembered, I tried to email the group when our family was going to an event, like the kids' concerts at a local beach.

On average, I probably only spent an hour a week organizing things behind the scenes, but I wish I had asked other members to head up various aspects of the group. In hindsight, it would have been great to have a service coordinator, prayer coordinator, etc. Even though we have over a dozen regular attendees, it was harder than I expected to find someone to take over. I wonder if that's because no one really felt any ownership in the group.

So Many Choices

My first day of kindergarten!

When I was growing up, the public elementary school a few blocks away was the obvious choice. Our parish didn't have a school and there were no magnet or charter schools in our district. Homeschooling wasn't nearly as popular as it is now. And I grew up in suburban Houston, where it was rare to meet someone who didn't attend church regularly.

Now, I live across the country in suburban Seattle and I have one year before my oldest daughter will be in kindergarten. Here, we have an overwhelming number of options! There's...

- The parish school. We love our parish and we've heard great things about the school. We would know several friends in Claire's class. I'm really happy they still have a half-day kindergarten option. But, of course, this would require significant financial sacrifices.

- The local elementary school. We live in a great school district, academically. Our kids would be bussed to elementary school and the bus stop is right across the street from our house, so we wouldn't have to wake the baby for pick up. I'm not thrilled that they're doing away with half-day kindergarten next year. Also, articles like this one and this one make us worry about the secular environment.

- The public charter school. It's called a community school, so you have to volunteer a certain number of hours each year, they have mixed age classrooms, and they don't give letter grades. You have to win the lottery to get in, but if your oldest child does then the rest of your children would get in automatically. This school doesn't enroll until first grade though, so it's kind of a moot point.

Of course, there is also homeschooling, which has greatly risen in popularity since I was a child. Seattle seems to be a pretty homeschool friendly area. If I were to homeschool my children, I would definitely want to try a coop, of which there are also several choices! There's...

- The public family learning center. The kids go all day, twice a week. They do the four core subjects as well as electives like art, Latin, and P.E. Kindergarten through third grade go two weekdays, while fourth through eighth grade go two other weekdays. So, once you have kids in multiple grades, you're going to be spending a lot of time driving them around and you wouldn't have a time when all your school-age kids are occupied. You are also giving up some curriculum choice and agreeing to more supervision from the school district.

- The enrichment program at a private Catholic school. Kindergarten through eighth grade all go on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. They have lunch and recess, then do art, choir, foreign language, poetry memorization, and P.E. But, it's a twenty minute drive away, which would mean a lot of sitting in the car for younger kids. I think this would be ideal if we could hire a babysitter to watch the little ones those afternoons, so they could nap and I could run errands. Of course, the cost of the program and a babysitter would be almost as much as our parish school.

- The traditional coop at a nearby parish. They meet all day, one day a week and have all sorts of electives for preschool through high school. Each parent is assigned some sort of job and you have to stay on campus with your younger children.

Betsy's birth was a crossroads for our family. If we had a third c-section, we would have just planned for one more child. Having more than five or six c-sections is quite risky and we thought we would need to save some for the possibility of an NFP "oops!" at some point in our thirties.

Because our two previous birth experiences had not gone at all well, we were not very optimistic about the success of a VBAC after two c-sections. We spent the two years between Maggie's and Betsy's births thinking we would most likely have four children. Homeschooling four children seemed like a pretty achievable goal, so for the past two years that's how we thought our kids would probably be educated.

Thanks be to God, Betsy's birth was a VBAC, exceeding all of our expectations. At least for the moment, we no longer have to put a cap on our family size due to health reasons. Given that I had her at twenty-six, we could potentially have twice as many children as we were previously thinking. Running a household of that size is a pretty big job and I'm just not sure if I could handle adding teaching to that load.

We feel like we're back to square one and since we're still undecided, it made sense to sign Claire up for preschool in the fall. She'll be going to a play-based cooperative preschool three afternoons a week. They do centers, sing songs, read stories, have show-and-tell, and play outside. She took a tour a few months ago and didn't want to leave! Since it's a coop, you have to volunteer once a week. Adam will take a long lunch break to work our shift, just coming early and staying late at the office that day. I think it will be a great experience for her and for our whole family.

It's so crazy to think that we only have a little over six months until kindergarten registration! 

Paternity Leave

Adam went back to work full-time this week. I am so thankful to have had him home for a really good chunk of time with each baby. When Claire was born, he was six weeks away from graduating college, but it was by far his easiest semester and then he had two months off before starting work as a developer at a large software company. When Maggie was born, he had a month's paid leave. Shortly after we found out we were pregnant with Betsy, his company announced they were changing the policy to three months!

He took seven weeks off full-time after Betsy's arrival. Thanks to his time off, hiring a house cleaner to come once a week, my parents living in the same state instead of across the world, and our church friends so generously bringing over meals, the transition from two to three kids went pretty smoothly. Claire and Maggie are nineteen months apart, while Maggie and Betsy are twenty-seven months apart. That extra nine months spacing was really, really nice this time around. But the shorter spacing between the two oldest also worked in our favor because they play very well together.

When Adam was home full-time, sometimes he would take the girls out in the morning while I went back to bed or just enjoyed the quiet. Sometimes we would all go out together to the park or the children's museum. And sometimes I would take all three girls to play group or to a friend's house while he ran errands. Man, I could get a lot done if there were two of me! Certainly our back to back celebrations in March of Claire's birthday, Betsy's baptism, and Easter would have been incredibly more stressful without Adam's help. And, of course, it was really nice for him to be home the whole time when his parents and sister visited.

Right after Easter, Adam went back part-time. His company's paternity leave policy lets you turn a two-week portion of your leave into four weeks of part-time work. That was a completely seamless transition. He worked from 10:00 to 3:00 each day, so he was home to help us get out the door in the morning and back for the making dinner rush. I just had to take the girls to our usual activities, feed them lunch, read stories, put them down for naps/quiet time, and then he was home before their Daniel Tiger episode ended. If only he could work part-time forever!

Alas, it was back full-time on Monday. We had a few rough moments this week - definitely lots of extra whining and fighting. It's like we had two transitions (and the resulting small child behavior) to deal with, first when Betsy arrived and then again when Daddy went back to the office all day. For some reason Adam working part-time didn't faze Claire and Maggie at all. Maybe because he was gone during our most structured chunk of the day?

 We weren't late to any of our activities, I got everything accomplished that I needed to, and I feel like I spent a decent amount of quality time with each of our daughters, so overall I'd say my first week on my own with three children went pretty well. Way better than it would have gone ten weeks ago, that's for sure. But I'm very, very glad we scheduled a dinner date for Friday evening!

My best tips for success when adjusting to a new baby - wear them as much as possible and do all the chores you can in the evening. We start the dishwasher right after dinner and empty it before bed. We make all our lunches the night before. (This also helps Adam to avoid buying his at work!) We make sure the diaper bag is packed. We shower. We sort and fold the laundry, that way I just have to turn over the loads and put the clothes away during the day. Eventually I'll have more margin in the day and we'll move away from some of this, but right now prepping as much as possible at night keeps our home running smoothly.

We made room in our budget for a weekly house cleaning starting in January, when I was thirty-six weeks pregnant. We thought we'd wean ourselves off in May and hire a lawn service for the summer instead. After really thinking it through, we decided to keep doing the yard work ourselves and reduce the house cleaning to every other week. We'll probably keep that up through August. By September, Betsy will be on a regular nap schedule, Claire will be in preschool, and I'm sure I'll be able to get back to my old cleaning routine.

Besides fitting a bit of cleaning back in, my goal for May is to really start exercising again. Actually, who am I kidding with "exercising again?" I've never really managed to exercise much since having children, just walks with the double stroller in our hilly neighborhood. That, coupled with three pregnancies in four years, definitely shows! Betsy is almost three months old and sleeping well at night. It's time. I think need the external accountability of signing up for a class, so I'm planning to try out our local Pure Barre studio.

Adam has used nine weeks of his paternity leave (seven weeks full time and four weeks part-time). He'll use the remaining three weeks lieu of vacation time when we visit my relatives in Canada this summer. Since you can break the leave into two chunks that's what our friends seem to be doing as well - using most right when the baby arrives but saving a few weeks for a vacation several months later. Families with two working parents or parents of multiples might think differently though.

During Betsy's pregnancy, my doctor's medical assistant was also pregnant with her third and due just a week before me. When I went in for my six-week postpartum appointment, she was already back at work. It made sad and guilty that my husband wasn't even back at work yet. I'm proud of Adam's company for establishing such family-friendly policies and incredibly thankful that we get to benefit from them. I really hope the rest of the nation follows the tech industry's lead.